So this is what happens when you mix one ‘trendy’ topic (bullying) with another hot-button issue (EVE) huh? Hilarity ensues and the Internet lawyers and psychologist come out of the woodworks. Moar tears cannot even begin to describe what I’m feeling right now. I don’t think I’ve been this blog-entertained since the EG Darkfall review. And the goons have it right, carebear tears seriously are delicious, and so addictive.
But let’s play a little game shall we? Let’s pretend that everyone should be a hyper-sensitive internet white knight that is ‘raising awareness’ for some cause they don’t really understand or actually care about, and lets ‘solve’ cyber bullying (am I trending yet?) in EVE.
First the bounty system must be removed. For those not aware, the bounty system lets you put ISK on someone’s head, which encourages everyone else playing to stalk them down and kill them. The more ISK you have, the more cyber bullying you can encourage. And sure, maybe the person you bounty is not about to go play in traffic, but why risk it right? Also ban anyone who has ever placed a bounty, and send the local police to investigate anyone who has ever had a bounty placed on them to check for plastic bags and duct tape.
Next war-decs have to go. Imagine I’m the CEO of “Wrists to Razors Inc”, and some griefer Corp war-decs us, blows up our mining ships, and causes my entire corp to drink spiced kool-aid. Is this the kind of thing CCP wants to encourage? And again, the odds of an entire corp taking a group trip off a cliff is probably low, but why risk it right? Also ban any corp that has ever war-dec’ed someone.
Do I even need to mention ‘suicide ganking’? First the name is highly insulting and makes light of an extremely serious issue. Second what if your gank causes some poor ‘victim’ to test gravity from the 12th floor? Is the ISK really that important? Think before you shoot, that might be someone’s son or daughter on the other end, with one hand on the keyboard and the other on the trigger.
Killboards might be the worst of the worst. It’s bad enough that CCP encourages suicides with the bounty system, war-decs, and ganks, but now psychopaths have created entire websites that do nothing but highlight the agony of others, glamorize it with ‘points’, and display it for the whole world to see. What if I’m one step away from playing tonsil hockey with a 12 gauge, and the trigger event is seeing my 23b Kestrel loss in Jita posted, against my will, on EVE-kill? And then I have to read all those horrible comments by others calling me a retard, a waste of life, and telling me to go kill myself? Maybe they start stalking me in-game to try and get my next 23b Kestrel? The back of my skull will be all over a wall so fast it will make your head spin. Abolish kill boards, and arrest whoever created them. Also have the police follow up on anyone who ever had a kill posted on one to check for toasters near bathtubs. Sure, most people just kept playing, but why risk it right?
Finally anytime anyone ever types “if you don’t let me do X, I’m going to kill myself” anywhere, immediately let them have or do what they want. If you don’t you are basically handing a poor ‘victim’ a “Suicide for dummies” book and telling them to give it a read. Sure, most of the time it’s just someone typing to get what they want on the internet, but why risk it right?
Oh, and be sure to do your part; raise awareness by posting a blog about the dangers of cyber bullying, and let’s make sure we close every avenue that might lead to even one ‘victim’ hanging out in a closet. We are all in this together people!
(Perhaps the most comical part of this entire thing is that the person who got trolled the hardest here is Mittens. His ‘victim’ is completely fine (shocker), and used the “I’m going to kill myself” excuse to try to get some pixels back. Which of course Mittens ignored, and correctly so, at least until the white knights rallied and applied some pressure. I’m actually somewhat embarrassed that the man who speaks for all EVE players fell for such a simple scam. EVE players should be better than that Mittens.)
Note: If anyone posts a negative comment to my post, I’m going to kill myself. Also if you have ever posted something negative here, and I do kill myself, know that you are partially to blame.
Second-note: Best use of the “Perma-death” tag ever? I think so.